positive birth after trauma

I originally had planned to ideally avoid membrane sweeps but since I was trying to avoid medical induction and now 41+4 I decided to get one on Saturday 16th July at 3.30pm. It didn't hurt and I found out I was 2cm dilated and 50% effaced with a very 'favourable' cervix. I didn't have any spotting or cramping after so presumed it hadn't really done much.

My family and I went to my dad's house after the appointment and I felt some stronger 'tightenings' that I presume were Braxton Hicks. I kept an eye out but tried not to get excited. We went home and after getting Shiloh (our two year old) to bed, I decided to do the Mile's circuit video on YouTube for 90 mins (holding 3 different positions for 30 mins each). I was noticing a few stronger tightenings before I started the video and wanted to see if I could encourage things to pick up.

Later that night, I noticed a few more strong Braxton Hicks/contractions before bed but Reuben and I decided we should get some sleep in case it was the start of labour. We went to bed at around 12.30/ 1am. At around 4/4.30am I woke up and had what felt like period pain on and off and felt labour was starting..

Started having a look at the time on my phone to get an idea how often these pains (contractions) were coming. They were forming more of a pattern and coming roughly every 10/11 mins to start with. These became closer together quite quickly and became uncomfortable. I downloaded the contraction timer app and began timing them at around 5.30am. Reuben had been asleep next to me up until this point as I was managing fine and wanted him to get some rest but I woke him at about 5.45 and told him I was getting regular contractions and believed I was officially in labour. We then had to make a decision regarding calling my dad who was going to be looking after our toddler, driving us to the hospital and who lives 25 minutes away. I didn't want to call him too soon but once I could see (and feel) things picking up. I called him at about 7am. My dad arrived at about 7.30am and my contractions were now 3/4 mins apart and intense. I had to stop and breathe through them with my arms around Reuben's neck. My dad got Shiloh ready and we left for the hospital at about 8.15am. The car journey was uncomfortable but I managed better with a blanket behind my lower back in the front seat and a cold flannel on my neck. I was also squeezing a comb in my hand on each contraction. I put in my earphones and listened to Emily's track to keep me focused on my breath and relaxed. The track cut out half way to Truro because there was an area of no signal and I hadn't downloaded it. I felt a little panicked when it stopped but kept the in for 4, out for 6 breath going and earphones in.

I also was smelling some lavender essential oil as this was one of my anchors to keep me relaxed. I loved the smell of lavender all through my pregnancy. The speed bumps at the hospital were the worst part of the journey as I was having a contraction whilst going over them and told my dad to 'stop revving!' We arrived outside the maternity wing at about 8.40am and I said a tearful goodbye to my Shiloh. This was the hardest thing emotionally for me as I was frightened of the unknown and didn't want anything bad to happen, especially with my son dependent on me and I feel so much love for him so leaving him was hard. I got back in the zone and myself and Reuben headed straight upstairs to the birth centre. They were expecting us as we had called ahead. I was getting a couple of intense contractions as we went through the doors upstairs and remember a man (possibly a janitor) holding a door open for us and moving out of the way.

As soon as we entered the birth centre, we were greeted by Kim (who ended up being our midwife) and led straight into one of the private rooms (the one I had hoped for as it had no windows so was extra dark and relaxing). The room we were allocated was called Helzephron. I had a couple of contractions in the room as Kim observed me. I lent over the double bed on the floor and wiggled my toes continuing with my breath of in for 4, out for 6. The contractions were really strong and remember feeling nauseous (started a bit before leaving home) but I didn't feel the urge to vomit. Kim examined me after a strong contraction and I couldn't believe it when she told me I was 8cm dilated! I found this a positive incentive and knew that I was close to birthing our baby girl. I swore when she told me because I was so shocked and happy that I had managed the contractions at home up until this point and it spurred me on to stay focused. I saw the tub was full of water and asked Kim if I could get in and she said 'absolutely.' So I undressed and both Reuben and Kim carefully helped me into the pool. As I was getting in, I noticed some bleeding and was told it's 'my show.' I ended up in a forward leaning position, resting my forearms on the step of the tub. Reuben was to my left lent over the side and Kim was to my right hand side but moving around in the background doing checks etc. I gave Kim consent to monitor the baby when she needs to without asking.

The warm water felt soothing and I knew I was in the best place for me to birth my baby. I felt calm and safe. I was already so deep into that internal mental and physical birth space' that I didn't want to change anything so decided not to play music or Emily's tracks. I knew I needed to stay centered and 'in the zone' so I focused on breath only. Reuben was breathing audibly in for 4 and out for 6 and I was following his lead and breathing with him. I was safe here, I found my rhythm and relaxed into the intensity of it all. Even though it was technically 'painful,' I could feel that I was doing well and was perceiving the feelings as more of an intensity rather than pain. My body was doing everything I needed it to do and I trusted my body through every contraction and sensation.

Things progressed quickly and after a few contractions, I suddenly became aware that my body was bearing down and beginning to push without me even thinking about it. I felt a pop and was told my waters had broken. I also started being a little vocal with an animalistic mmmmmerggh sound and it kind of felt like the urge to have a bowel movement but stronger. My wonderful midwife reassured me and told me to listen to my body and trust it. She told me to go with my body. The urge to push became stronger and stronger and I felt my body bearing down on each contraction. I became much more vocal during these contractions and made mooing noises as my body literally started pushing my baby out. Shortly after feeling the original urge to push (not sure how long in minutes as I was so in the zone- at a guess, maybe 45 minutes?), I began to feel a stretchy, burning, stinging sensation and knew that my baby was close to or beginning to crown. I knew I was experiencing what most term as the 'ring of fire.' Instead of fearing this feeling, I relaxed in the knowing that the birth was going well and I was going to meet my baby soon. I relaxed into the burning sensation.

I surrendered to all the sensations and felt a true, inner sense of peace fill me. I was so all encompassed in this energy, that I, as a Christian believe was God's Holy Spirit. On each contraction, I could feel my body bearing down. I literally couldn't stop it even if I had wanted to. This is known as the foetal ejection reflex and I was so grateful to be able to feel this sensation after not being able to do so during my previous labour and birth two years ago. I could feel my baby moving down and suddenly felt the burning sensation increase and I knew instinctively that she was crowning. My midwife reassured me and told me to just breathe into it. I remembered my breath and knew I needed to pause and breathe slowly in order to reduce the risk of tearing and to allow my body to stretch and relax. Even though the sensation was uncomfortable, it felt exciting and I felt completely safe and in control. On the next contraction, I have a push and I felt this stinging then instant relief of pressure. I knew my baby's head was out and my midwife confirmed this. At this stage I was in a serene state of bliss and moaning on each contraction but also following my body and remembering my breath.

Once my baby's head was out, I think I had either one of two more contractions that I naturally beared down on and all of a sudden, I felt her body leave my body as my beautiful daughter made her entrance into the world. She slipped out into the warm water. Since I was in a state of total relaxation, I felt a little 'out of it' and remember making us laugh because I blurted out 'oh there's a baby!' and my midwife had to remind me to pick her up out of the water. I was the first one to grab her gently and I asked my midwife to help me lift her up to the surface. What a blissful, beautiful moment! I believe she had nuchal cord which is where the cord was wrapped around her neck but my midwife gently untangled her. She took her first breath and all was well. I brought her to my chest and felt a total endorphin rush. It was truly one of the best moments of my life and I will never forget it. For safety reasons, we decided to monitor my blood loss by getting me out of the pool after about 5 minutes. We waited until the cord stopped pulsing and turned white and my husband cut the cord.

I was helped out of the pool to the bed and brought her to my chest where she latched on and began to feed. I was going to allow myself one hour to pass the placenta naturally. After 30 minutes, there was no sign of it so I sat on the toilet and after a couple of little pushes, passed it with ease. I felt really happy about this and felt more relaxed once this had happened. The three of us (my husband, baby and I) snuggled on the bed for a blissful hour or so being totally undisturbed. This labour and birth was literally my dream scenario and I am forever grateful and blessed to all involved for helping me prepare and have this incredible experience.

A huge thank you to Emily Bray, my wonderful doula that enabled me to release previous birth trauma and practise hypnobirthing techniques to stay calm and trust my body. I would highly recommend working with her to prepare for labour and birth and to feel empowered, relaxed and confident no matter what type of birth experience you have.

Thank you to my incredible community midwife Mandy Owens and Kim, my midwife at the birth centre that helped to deliver my daughter. A final thank you to Emma, the support worker for her support after the birth.